By shitty things, I mean people, friendships, relationships, toxic situations, stuck in a career you don’t enjoy, health problems, just to name few examples.

& Yes I am about to tell you why YOU attracted all that in to your life. The shitty relationship, the narcissist, the fake friends, the boss you can’t stand and why you are struggling to release and let go of any toxic patterns that do NOT serve you. I am going to keep it real here, I will not sugar coat anything here – I will just tell you the honest brutal truth.

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So this past week I had a HUGE realization and I really wanted to share this with you! Something I should have realized long ago, but I guess I didn’t see it or maybe I was in denial about it.

If you are like me, someone who is into self-development, journaling, reflecting, healing, learning and growing then I am sure you will like what I am about to share with you J

I am going try my best to not make this a super long post & get to the point. So here we go 🙂

…..

We all have heard these quotes before,

“You attract what you are”

“You attract what you are ready for”

“You attract what you put into the universe”

“You attract what you think about”

“You attract what you fear”

“Your vibe attracts your tribe”

“All your relationships are a reflection of you” – (ouch this one I wasn’t so sure about! Cause it smacked me on the face few times…)

….

Nice, okay, interesting, of course I agree with the above, cause it makes sense doesn’t it?!

But then what happens when something really bad or negative, happens to you. We can go on and list many examples but I will just stick to my own experience here.

Let me share with you my story & what has taken me 4 toxic relationships, 3 of which were with NARCISSITS to wake me up!!

So yes, I dated 4 shitty people (that I can remember), how did I not see the pattern, how did I not learn my lesson sooner!

You say I’ve attracted that, but how? I am no where self absorbed, in love with myself, I am definitely not a narcissist, I am nowhere like these boys I’ve dated.  I am NOT a LIAR, A CHEATER, DISLOYAL, DISHONEST, MANIPULATIVE… I would never do these things. None have even crossed my mind. I personally, DO NOT understand how someone can cause someone else that much damage, not only physically but mentally and emotionally. How can someone find pleasure in causing someone else pain. Even after they have caused me pain, I honestly could NOT do the same back – that’s just not me. Too much effort and unnecessary energy wasted on trashy humans!

I didn’t get it, HOW IN THE HELL HAVE I ATTRACTED THESE GUYS INTO MY LIFE?!

It’s simple. It’s not what I do or did to others, it’s what I’ve been doing to MYSELF for years.

This is not about my EXTERNAL WORLD, this is about my INTERNAL WORLD.

How I perceive myself, my relationships, LOVE. Let me explain….

The way these guys have treated me and viewed me, is an exact reflection of how I viewed myself.

 

 

To the external world, no one knows the thoughts and the negative talk we have with ourselves on a daily basis. These are our own secrets, only we know them, but these secrets have kept us trapped in a self destructive cycle. These negative thoughts are much stronger than we think, especially when we haven’t addressed them or dealt with them ourselves or with others.

Let me share some examples those thoughts and how they are reflected in our relationships.

1. The way I view yourself – Not good enough

For a long time, I have struggled with my self-image, my self-esteem, my confidence, physically. I don’t like the way I look (yes I have good days), but most of the time I don’t like the person I see in the mirror. There is always something to pick at. I don’t love myself! I simply DON’T. I don’t hate myself either but I have to admit and be honest and say I don’t love myself. This has been my struggle for years now and if I don’t love myself, how can I expect a stranger to love me?

*** Well, it wasn’t an expectation but you know, I was stupid to believe those words when they said it.

I didn’t value myself enough, to think I can find someone better. So I said yes to whoever knocked on my door and seemed ‘Nice’ even though at times I knew deep inside of me this wasn’t the person for me. But I denied it to myself and my friends.

I went along – why? Because I thought I was lucky to have someone ‘Nice enough’ to want me.

There are many other reasons, like thinking I was a difficult person to be with, so maybe I should lower my standards just little! Which is fucking ridiculous to be honest, if one of my friends said that about herself I would honestly slap her!!

*** Your relationships are just a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself

 

 

2. My fear of being betrayed

Everyone cheats right so of course it will happen to me. Now that’s a belief I had ingrained in my subconscious. So guess what, I attracted that that to my life.

*** You attract what you fear

3. My fear of losing myself in a relationship

There are many reasons why love is not something I think much about – like I never was that girl who needed to be in a relationship all the time. And yes, that might be a negative behavior stemming from fear of being alone, not being loved, or afraid of facing ourselves. The opposite can also be just as bad.  I was avoiding relationships because I didn’t want to get attached to anyone, why would I do that when I know he will cheat on me at the end? Another belief I have.

*** “You attract what you out to the universe”

These are just few examples but we can go on and on, and you can apply the same principle with anything, health, wealth & career. And I know some of you will say, how can I explain being diagnosed with cancer? Being abused? Getting into an accident. All I can say is that, it is all energy (thoughts) and you have to learn to master those thoughts in your head. Because the truth is, everything we experience is either a result of a choice we made or a reflection of our thoughts (which is also a subconscious choice most of us are unaware of).

I really just wanted to share with you what I’ve realized this week – what those quotes truly mean. Something I thought I understood but I didn’t understand until now.

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Now you might disagree with me and that fine.

But if you gave it some thought and you agree with me, reading this post will not enlighten you. Just like taking a screenshot of a quote on instagram won’t change your way of thinking. You need to take actions, implement new habits & a new way of thinking to change.

So if you want to take this a step further, follow the steps below with me to re-wire your brain and change your story:

1. Learn to love yourself.

This is the most important step. You wouldn’t take actions if you don’t love yourself. You wouldn’t want to do something about it, if you didn’t value yourself and wanted something better for yourself. So love yourself. It’s not easy and it will take a while, but this is the most important relationship you have. Cherish it. And you are already on the right path, or you wouldn’t be reading this post!

2. Get a journal or if you have one, reflect on some of the things that have been happening to you that you weren’t fond of.

How do you think you might attracted those situations?

Is it the beliefs you have?

The experiences that you have had in the past? That has scared you so bad, it has become your reality.

Is it something someone told you about yourself? Did your mom tell you will always be fat? Or you’re not smart like your sister? Or your teacher telling you that you will never achieve this?

Now, sit with that, feel it & release all those negative thoughts and beliefs, you have collected over the years.

3. Now write your NEW story.

Write the story of the person you want to become? Not what people have told you but who YOU want to be? Don’t limit yourself – dream big 🙂

Envision that story and see it become a reality. How do you feel? Does it feel good? Does the new you seem surreal you think that’s never going to be me. Well guess what it won’t happen until you decide to take actions and do something about it.

4. Make a plan of action.

Looking forward to the future new version of you, work your way back to the present moment and think what actions can I take now to get there? Write these steps down.

5. Start taking actions.

Starting with your mindset, change your thoughts, change your way of thinking, let go of old beliefs that have caused you pain. Re write your own story and work towards that person you want to be.

 

For me I did this by looking at all areas of my life:

• Health
• Finances
• Personal development
• Family
• Friendships
• Love life
• Self-image (which impacts everything else above)

I gave each category a score out of 10 – created a total score out of 100. Then reflected about the present and why I gave it that score and then I listed down steps I should take to improve that area. 🙂

Don’t do this and forget about it, look at it for the next 21 days at least. Keep reminding yourself of the person you are about to become and take the steps towards that goal.

 

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So here you have it guys, I think this is really powerful and I could wait to share it on here. I look forward to see where I’ll be few months from now.

Anyways hope you like this post and found it helpful.

Lots of love,

Arwa