You keep saying love yourself, but I do love myself of course I do! I don’t hate myself, so I surely must love myself right?! Not in a narcissistic kind of way but I think I love myself. Some days not so much, we all have these days don’t we?!

Hmmm… for a very long time I thought I loved myself. I had an amazing partner who loved me, I was happy and content with my life. I was working on my goals & dreams. I had an amazing apartment that I loved. I had my freedom, my money, my life and many things to be grateful for. Of course I also had my bad days here and there, that’s life but I was happy!

But I realized that my happiness, self-love & self-worth was due to the things I had, the physical stuff, yes I had more than the materialistic things too, but once I lost some of those materialistic things, once I broke up with my partner of 4 years, once I didn’t have the attention and love from another person I really struggled to find my worth & confidence – even though it was my decision to end the relationship. I am better off, don’t get me wrong I made the best decision at that time but what I am saying is that – I THOUGHT I LOVED MYSELF when in reality  I didn’t – & this only hit me  few months later. I realized I never actually learnt to love the person I am nor accept my flaws. How can I, when no one teaches us about self-love and self-acceptance and how important these are when it comes to our mental and emotional health. Not to mention, our drive to pursue and achieve our goals and dreams in the long-term.

Let me share with you what I have realized about self-love the past few months. This is my definition of what self love it & what I am aiming for. If you like my checklist you can use it too!! 😉




Firstly, let’s start with addressing what self love is NOT.

  • Self-love is NOT selfish
  • Self-love is NOT vanity
  • Self-love is NOT posting selfies daily
  • Self-love is NOT is not showing off how great you are to the world
  • Self-love is NOT competing or comparing yourself with others
  • Self-love is NOT seeking validation and approval from others
  • Self-love is NOT thinking you are better than others


So what is self love?

Firstly let me just say self-love is a journey not a destination. Many times, I have set a goal to myself to LOVE MYSELF by this date, by end of this year, by my next birthday – it doesn’t work like that. Self-love is not a destination it’s a journey – as we grow to become our greatest version we also discover our shadow side which sometimes we simply just have to accept.

  • Self-love is being content with the person you are at the present moment.
  • Self-love is loving who you are, all of you, mistakes and all.
  • Self love is being content with the work in progress that you are.
  • Self-love is being confident and taking responsibility for oneself, with all out imperfections, flaws & rejections.

You are allowed to make mistakes, fail, have flaws, and not have your life together! You are not expected to be perfect, but you are suppose to be honest with yourself, reflect, be grateful and content and be able to set yourself goals and move forward learning from your mistakes and hardships. This is the whole point of life – GROWTH 🙂




  • Self-love is self-esteem, the degree to which one values oneself. Having a healthy dose of confidence. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, while focusing on your strengths and working on your weakness.
  • Self-love is making YOU a priority, your health, your mental health, your happiness.
  • Self-love is self-care, meaning you make the time & effort to look after yourself. This could include, grooming, resting, treating yourself, working out, dressing up for yourself.
  • Self-love is self-worth, knowing that you are of true value. You are more than just you looks, what you do for a living & how much money you make.
  • Self-love is having self-belief, having faith in your own abilities. Knowing that you can achieve anything you desire.
  • Self-love is having a healthy self-image, knowing that you are enough, you are worthy, you deserve love, you will get love and everything you desire once you decide to have that belief.




Self-love is knowing yourself. Appreciating the person you have become. Believing you are worthy, valuable, loved, you are stronger than you think, you are beautiful inside and outside. You are loved and deserving of love.

Now there is a fine line between, this and arrogance, make sure you don’t cross that line & fall on your face.

  • Self-love is self-respect, respecting yourself enough to not let anyone disrespect you. Belittle you, talk down to you, make you feel small and unworthy.
  • Self-love is being able to speak up and communicating your standards to others
  • Self-love is setting clear boundaries to others.
  • Self-love is speaking your truth.
  • Self-love is when you put yourself first and let go of anything that no longer serves you.

Self-love is also knowing the difference between being a nice kind person and a people pleaser. Self-love is knowing when to say NO. Self-love is knowing how to be assertive. Self-love is acknowledging when you made a mistake, own it and take it as a lesson.

Self-love is walking away from that toxic relationships & letting go of anything that is self-destructive. Toxic habits, toxic people, a job that is draining you.




  • Self-love is Self love will set you free because you won’t be worried about what others think of you. Your only concern is what YOU think of YOURSELF. 🙂
  • Self-love is you still reading this post 😉

& lastly …

  • Self-love is you making a choice today to do something about it. that is making your relationship with yourself top priority.


So here you have it, this is how I define self love and I am sure the list can be much longer but the whole point of this post is to remind and tell you that the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. Now

The relationship we have with ourselves sets the tone for every single relationship we have in our lives. Friendships, family, love life, career ALL OF IT!

Lots of Love,

Arwa X


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